Category: Long-Term Care

When the doctor asks my father a question, he usually says: “Just ask my daughter. She has it all in the book!” (referring to the GoKit Medical Planner)

So what happens when you get a new diagnosis? It can be overwhelming to not only the older adult, but also to the family as well.

• What questions do you ask the doctor?
• What information should you have stored and available?
• How do you keep track of changing medications and information that you receive?
• What happens if the older adult is hospitalized and you’re trying to figure out what does discharge look like?

All of these questions are important, and planning for the care journey is important. Having this information readily available can put you and your loved one at ease. Our GoKit medical planner is right here. It is a great tool to utilize just for this. In this planner you can not only store important information, but you can store emergency contact information, updated prescriptions, just a variety of information.

In particular, I wanted to point out my favorite parts of the planner:

The first part is the hospital section. Here in the hospital section, this is a great reminder of when you’re in the hospital of what questions you should ask. You can take notes here. Also, any concerns that you may see when you’re visiting with the older adult in the hospital, you can put that here as well. This is a great tool to utilize especially as doctors come in and out of the room. Providers come in and out. You’re getting tons of information. What a way to keep track of it!

The next part of the planner that I wanted to point out also deals with the hospital section, but also the Nursing Home section. So it is our hospital and nursing home discharge section here, and here you’ll see a list of questions just to remind you what to ask and talk about with the discharge team. You want to know what equipment does your older adult need at home. Has there been any medication changes? What does that look like? What do you have to plan for? What do you have to order? Also, any diet restrictions. Things like that. Questions that you may not even think of at the time. This is a great tool to remind you of that, to make sure that you’re checking off what you need at home to make sure that they have a successful and smooth discharge and transition back home.

Another part of the medical planner I love to point out. I always encourage clients to just store important documents here. Those important documents in particular I like to encourage to store are insurance cards, IDs, as well as power of attorney documents. So if you’re at a doctor’s appointment, if you’re in a hospital, wherever that may be, you have easy access to that.

I had a recent client who expressed that she was just so thankful for this planner. He literally took it everywhere, and she stored her father’s information in there as well. So when they went to a doctor’s appointment, she was able to pull that out and let the doctor know this is how his numbers are reading for his blood pressure. This is what medications he’s currently taking, and the medication that you know, he may have had a bad effect on whatever that looked like at the time. She was able to just put that in there, and it was peace of mind which is one of the most important things.

Of course you choose how you want to use it, and what you want to store in it. We do have a 4 week coaching series to help you navigate as well as complete the medical planner as well.

So I hope this information has been helpful for you. If you’d like a GoKit medical planner, or just simply more information about it take a look at our GoKit page. I hope you find joy in loving one another well.

You’re doing your best—juggling work, family, and caregiving. But some days? The pressure can be overwhelming.

That’s why your employer offers a family care benefit.

One employee told us: “I feel like I can breathe again. At first, I was so overwhelmed. With this program, I feel like not everything falls on me. I have help.” Even if you don’t call yourself a caregiver, you’re in a care role as you provide for the needs of a parent, in-law, or child.

This takes a toll and the impact is real: 79% of caregivers report higher stress. They’re 64% more likely to face depression, and 60% more likely to struggle with anxiety than non-caregivers. You’re not alone. Others in your shoes have already gotten support—paid for by your employer. Take Holly. Her 60-year-old father had early-onset dementia and was defensive and demanding. Her Ways & Wane Concierge coached her on what to expect, how to respond, and found her an in-network therapist. Ways & Wane discovered two caregiver support groups which she joined with her sister. Later, she wrote: “You make this whole scary process a lot less scary—thank you.”

Parents feel the pressure too. Melissa reached out while on maternity leave, overwhelmed by childcare decisions. Our Concierge found two highly rated, affordable daycares nearby with infant openings. She picked one—and said the peace of mind helped her return to work with confidence.

And Mason? His mom was depressed and isolated at home with a chronic health issue. We connected her with a specialized therapist— soon, Mason reported that she was having “more good days than bad days” Caregiving doesn’t have to break you and you don’t have to do it alone.

We’d be honored to support you.

I have found that family caregivers and many older adults themselves have very real concerns about their safety and well-being as older drivers, as well as the safety of others on the road.

I’ve recently worked with a family who had a father with vision challenges that they were concerned about. They didn’t necessarily want to remove his independence, but they had concerns about his safety when he drives.

Often, people are afraid to confront family members, and they don’t want to feel like they’re forcing their older relative to give up the keys.

If you’re worried about the safety of an older driver, here are some key tips for talking with them about your concerns:

• First, you want to avoid confrontation and use “I” messages rather than “you” messages. For example, you might say, “I am concerned about your safety while you’re driving,” rather than, “You’re no longer a safe driver.”
• Second, the older adult should be involved in this discussion because it’s about them. It’s important not to focus on the disease or their age, but instead focus on their functional capacity. As we know, age doesn’t make someone a bad driver.
• Lastly, remember that stopping them from driving is not necessarily the immediate goal. Of course, it will depend on your situation, but the purpose is to identify ways to keep them safe and not focus on giving up the keys.

So, I would encourage you to consider driving modifications and to discuss safety measures with them that will work for them. In the case of the family I was working with, they decided together that the best thing for their father was to focus on just driving during the daytime, where he felt most comfortable and safe, and avoid driving at night because his vision wasn’t the best. Additionally, he decided that he would stay within a certain radius as well. He liked to stay close to home where he felt most safe, so it was kind of a win-win for both.

I hope you find joy in loving one another well.

Did you know that for many older adults they can actually qualify for assistance and don’t even realize it. We all know that costs are rising, and the cost of care is no exception.

Many people share with me that they worry about how their family will be able to afford the future or current care needs for the older adult in their lives.

But what’s the difference between Medicare and Medicaid? Medicare is a Federal health insurance program for anyone, age 65 or older, and some people under 65 with certain disabilities or conditions.
Medicaid is a joint Federal and State program that gives health coverage to some people with limited income and resources.

Medicaid in many states also can help pay for long-term care, and the good news is we can help navigate this concern. Each year eligibility for Medicaid changes. Some states such as California have made it easier to qualify, especially if the older adult has a medical need that requires help with care, such as needing help with bathing, or perhaps they have dementia, and it’s no longer safe for them to be home unsupervised.

Even if a person is over the income limits for state assistance there may be options such as what’s called a medically needy pathway or an income only trust just to name a couple. It is a lot to navigate, and you don’t have to do this alone. We can help determine if an older adult might qualify, and we can also guide and support you through the whole process. I hope this is helpful.

I hope you find joy in loving one another well.

Tori, one of our care advisors, will explain the five types of senior housing in this 3-minute senior housing overview below.

As we age, our housing needs change. From maintaining independence to requiring more support, finding the right senior housing option is crucial. Let’s take a quick look at some of the most popular choices.

First, there’s Independent Living. This option is ideal for active older adults who prefer a maintenance-free lifestyle but still want to live independently. Independent living communities offer amenities like housekeeping, transportation, and social activities, allowing residents to enjoy life without worrying about home upkeep. They are also private pay.

Next, Assisted Living provides help with daily activities like dressing, medication management, or meals. It’s perfect for older adults who need a bit more support but still value their independence. Staff are available 24/7, and these communities often include private rooms and group activities to maintain social engagement. Cost may increase yearly due to inflation and additional services added. Cost is typically private pay while some facilities may have certain beds allocated to Medicaid.

For those requiring more intensive care, Skilled Nursing Homes offer around-the-clock medical supervision. These facilities provide skilled care for individuals with chronic illnesses or disabilities, ensuring medical needs are met alongside personal assistance. The cost will depend on level of care needed and usually is paid on a month to month basis by Medicare for a limited time if eligible, private pay, Medicaid, or VA Pay.

If memory loss is a concern, Memory Care units specialize in supporting seniors with Alzheimer’s or dementia. These units offer a secure environment and tailored activities to help manage cognitive decline.

Lastly, Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs) offer a range of services, from independent living to skilled nursing care. This allows residents to “age in place,” transitioning through different levels of care as their needs evolve.

Choosing the right senior housing option depends on health, preferences, and lifestyle. So make sure you take time to explore each option to find the best fit.

I hope you find joy in loving one another well.

Adult day centers offer a care solution that balances independence with structured care.

These centers provide a welcoming environment where older adults can engage in meaningful activities, socialize with peers, and receive appropriate support services during daytime hours, all while allowing them to return to the comfort of their own homes each evening.

Jami, one of our care advisors, will give you the 3-minute adult day center overview in the video above. Below you can find the written transcript.

Many older adults would like to “age in place.” They’d rather not move into a care facility.

Adult day programs offer drop-in daytime care for older adults. It’s important to note that they are not residential or overnight, and some smaller communities may not offer these programs.

Who’s a good fit? Individuals who don’t need overnight care, people who are isolated at home and want daytime activities and socialization, and those who don’t require active medical care during the day. It’s also a good option for families or caregivers who need a respite break or regular care support.

How does it work? Individuals admitted to an adult day program have full access to activities and services. Different programs offer various services and levels of care. Some include healthcare visits, mail and hair services on-site, social and fitness activities, pet therapy, music therapy, art therapy, and support for faith traditions. In addition, some programs offer meals, snacks, medication management, and transportation to and from the day center.

One additional benefit of adult day centers is that the cost is less expensive per hour than hiring a private in-home caregiver. Often, private pay insurance and Medicaid-funded programs will cover the cost of adult day centers.

I hope you find joy in loving one another well.

I just knew he’d love the remote control car. It had oversized wheels sure to scale all kinds of terrain and a long range remote. I’m guessing he would have been truly delighted by it, especially if he hadn’t carefully cut off the antenna right after opening the box. It never drove an inch.

Sometimes as parents, we have a tendency to want to “wow” our children when it comes to gifts. But does this set expectations that don’t match our budget? Does it actually create the meaningful memories we anticipate? After all, so many times that “wow” gift loses its magic in a very short period of time.

Now as a parent of kids who are in their young 20s, I’ve seen the toys come and go—mostly not even remembered and likely at this point in a landfill somewhere. Sorry. What has stuck for us are the memories and experiences of our time together. It may sound cliche, but it’s very true.

With a memory making approach, here are three gift giving ideas…

1. Experiences Over Things: How about tickets to a unique zoo event, coupons for an art or cooking class, a local play, a donut tasting tour (if you are near a metropolitan area), a coupon for a “date” with a parent, a 36 hour trip to explore a nearby city or town, or a camping trip in the living room (complete with the tent and smores), a pajama sleepover at a hotel where the time is spent reading or watching movies and eating take-out. Again, these experiences foster lasting memories and shared joy, making the holiday season more about connection than consumption.
2. The “Something They Want, Need, Wear, and Read” Rule: This minimalist strategy suggests giving one gift in each of these categories. For example, a favorite toy (want), a practical item like new shoes (need), a cozy sweater (wear), and a beloved book or audiobook (read). This approach promotes thoughtful and balanced gift-giving, avoiding excess while still delighting the child.
3. Teach Generosity Through Giving: Purposefully put the focus on giving instead of receiving and the delight that provides. Involve children in thinking about choosing and giving gifts to others, such as selecting toys for donation or helping with acts of service like baking cookies for neighbors. This nurtures empathy and helps children understand the value of kindness, fostering a sense of community.

Particularly for parents of younger children, it might take some courage to resist the lure of the “wow” gift item, but it’s going to be easier if the focus shifts at a younger age. That said, you may have some convincing to do with the grandparents who love to “wow” a grandchild.

Elizabeth Dameron-Drew is President of Ways & Wane and in the sandwich generation.

How many slippers can one person wear?

With the holidays upon us, you may be wondering what to get the older adult in your life. Perhaps you’re thinking another pair of slippers isn’t quite right. Good news! We have some meaningful solutions for you, including some fun ideas to connect the generations in your family.

• Ask people in the family (siblings, older grandchildren, etc.) to pitch in to set the older adult up with a year’s worth of housecleaning or seasonal yard clean up.
• Invite them to an in-person or virtual dinner (or several dinners) and pick out specific dates. (Everyone likes something to look forward to!) For the virtual dinner, have dinner delivered to them and join them over zoom.
• Choose a gift item from our Activities at Home list. It includes independent activities plus activities to do with two or more people. To help make projects successful, a list of adaptive tools is on the final page. The heart icon 🤍 denotes activities that may also work well for those with dementia or other cognitive impairment.
• Make a custom paper notepad. Maybe a photo of a pet or a grandchild or their favorite quote. Stores like Staples offer an option to create a custom notepad with your photo or text.
• For someone who tends to have sore or cold feet, this foot massager provides heat, compression and massage.
• A monthly or quarterly membership which delivers gourmet chocolate, cheese, or flowers.
• Make a donation on their behalf to a charity that is especially meaningful to them.

Sibling Rivalry? Tips to Lay the Groundwork

Sibling dynamics among children play into how well those siblings will work together later in life.

At some point, these same children will be in a position to work together to help manage your care. They already are (or will be) watching how you work through care navigation with your own siblings. 

It’s hard to imagine that future I know, but as Psychologist Dr. Albers states, “Role modeling is one of the most powerful and effective ways to teach your children how to get along with their siblings.” 

It’s a complex topic without a “one size fits all” solution, but this article from the Cleveland Clinic outlines 10 tips for dealing with sibling rivalry. A few of the main points include:

• Create a cooperative environment
• Celebrate individuality
• Treat kids fairly, not equally
• Give children problem-solving tools
• Make discipline private
• Have a family meeting

We’ve presented how powerful family meetings can be to manage care navigation for the older adults in your family circle. Imagine how useful it would be to have family meetings already a practiced habit from childhood!

May you find joy in loving one another well in and outside of your family meetings! 

Conversations between siblings about care for an older adult are layered with emotion and just might have lasting impacts on the family for years to come. 

The truth is that most siblings don’t talk about care management roles until it is essential. Nobody wants to have a stressful conversation in the hospital corridor. We want you to be prepared to calmly navigate care for your parents or in-laws. 

We’ve highlighted some of the common sibling care controversies and have tools to move forward with purposeful and peace seeking care conversations.

My Parents are Healthy…

If you have healthy older adults in your care circle, why should you make a plan with siblings now? Let me illustrate why this is so important with a story.

Adam’s perfectly healthy dad, George, had a fall one afternoon where he hit his head so hard he had a brain injury resulting in him being unable to speak clearly or make decisions. In a matter of minutes, Adam went from “my dad is perfectly healthy” to trying to figure out if he or his sister was the healthcare proxy. He didn’t know if his dad had his wishes defined and where in the world that paperwork was, if it existed at all. His sister thought her dad had asked her to be the healthcare proxy, but Adam said his dad had talked to him about it over golf one day. His sister was furious with Adam over how he was directing the care for their father when she thought it was her role, but Adam felt he was just trying to do his best in a terrifying and chaotic situation. Neither of them thought the other person was in the right role nor did they know what their dad would want, except for them not to be fighting. 

You may be thrust very suddenly into figuring out care for an older adult. Are there other family members involved also? If so, there are three common barriers to setting up a successful care team: personal agendas, childhood roles and division of responsibilities.

Challenge: Personal Agendas

At work, we clearly define project goals at the onset, so it’s clear when they’ve been achieved. While a caregiving journey is likely not as quantifiable as your work projects, it’s just as important to define the overarching goals.

Solution: Establishing common goals

Among siblings, start your conversation with your common goals. 

1. We all want to respect our older adults’ wishes and needs as much as possible.
2. We don’t want angst or division between us during this time or for the years following.

Once we agree on these basic goals, it’s much easier to sift care decisions and strategies. We recommend restating the common goals whenever care planning is being done, particularly when bigger decisions are being made. 

Challenge: Childhood Roles

Let’s say you and your siblings have defined the key goals, but that doesn’t really make up for the fact that your brother has always been the (insert primary trait from childhood) one and your sister will likely be (insert primary trait from childhood). The roles your siblings played in your family are decades old. Are you assuming that they are the same people they were in childhood? You have likely evolved past those early stereotypes or roles and want your siblings to see you for who you are today, many years later. 

Solution: Recognize current strengths

Instead of dragging those old assumptions into this season, can you put yourself in a neutral, curious and even grace-filled posture when it comes to who your siblings are and what they are capable of? We all have different strengths. Each sibling has an opportunity to help in a way that fits their strengths and giftings. That’s a beautiful thing.

Challenge: What’s “fair”?

When you and your siblings were young, there were likely feelings of what was “fair” between you. Remember the heated argument of who got the piece of cake with the big green frosting-filled flower on it? Now that everyone is older you already know that most of life isn’t “fair”, but in addition to that, you and your sibling’s lives are significantly more complicated as there are geographic locations, spouses, kids, jobs, health and individual finances that factor in for each person. All of that wasn’t a factor when you were jockeying for the piece of cake with the green frosting-filled flower on it. The notion of siblings each covering their “fair share” of care navigation just isn’t realistic. 

Solution: Accept imbalance and ask for or offer support

The truth is that usually the majority of the caregiving responsibilities fall on one or two people’s shoulders. It’s helpful to accept that and let go of what’s “fair”. The individual taking on the bulk of the care can take time to define how others can help; other family members can support in the ways requested.

The power of the family meeting

A well-prepared family meeting creates a way forward. 

To help you suggest or run a family care meeting, we have two great options:

1. Facilitate the meeting yourself, using the Ways & Wane Family Care Meeting Tool.
2. Enlist the support of your Care Advisor to facilitate a family meeting. Having an unbiased third party involved can be a way to reach a decision especially if sibling relations are complex or the necessary decisions are weighty. 

You may not be able to get absolutely everything in place, but whatever steps you take, however small, can ease the stress of managing care for the older adults in your family circle.