Youâre doing your bestâjuggling work, family, and caregiving. But some days? The pressure can be overwhelming.
Thatâs why your employer offers a family care benefit.
One employee told us: âI feel like I can breathe again. At first, I was so overwhelmed. With this program, I feel like not everything falls on me. I have help.â Even if you donât call yourself a caregiver, youâre in a care role as you provide for the needs of a parent, in-law, or child.
This takes a toll and the impact is real: 79% of caregivers report higher stress. Theyâre 64% more likely to face depression, and 60% more likely to struggle with anxiety than non-caregivers. Youâre not alone. Others in your shoes have already gotten supportâpaid for by your employer. Take Holly. Her 60-year-old father had early-onset dementia and was defensive and demanding. Her Ways & Wane Concierge coached her on what to expect, how to respond, and found her an in-network therapist. Ways & Wane discovered two caregiver support groups which she joined with her sister. Later, she wrote: âYou make this whole scary process a lot less scaryâthank you.â
Parents feel the pressure too. Melissa reached out while on maternity leave, overwhelmed by childcare decisions. Our Concierge found two highly rated, affordable daycares nearby with infant openings. She picked oneâand said the peace of mind helped her return to work with confidence.
And Mason? His mom was depressed and isolated at home with a chronic health issue. We connected her with a specialized therapistâ soon, Mason reported that she was having “more good days than bad days” Caregiving doesnât have to break you and you donât have to do it alone.
I have found that family caregivers and many older adults themselves have very real concerns about their safety and well-being as older drivers, as well as the safety of others on the road.
Iâve recently worked with a family who had a father with vision challenges that they were concerned about. They didnât necessarily want to remove his independence, but they had concerns about his safety when he drives.
Often, people are afraid to confront family members, and they donât want to feel like theyâre forcing their older relative to give up the keys.
If youâre worried about the safety of an older driver, here are some key tips for talking with them about your concerns:
First, you want to avoid confrontation and use âIâ messages rather than âyouâ messages. For example, you might say, âI am concerned about your safety while youâre driving,â rather than, âYouâre no longer a safe driver.â
Second, the older adult should be involved in this discussion because itâs about them. Itâs important not to focus on the disease or their age, but instead focus on their functional capacity. As we know, age doesnât make someone a bad driver.
Lastly, remember that stopping them from driving is not necessarily the immediate goal. Of course, it will depend on your situation, but the purpose is to identify ways to keep them safe and not focus on giving up the keys.
So, I would encourage you to consider driving modifications and to discuss safety measures with them that will work for them. In the case of the family I was working with, they decided together that the best thing for their father was to focus on just driving during the daytime, where he felt most comfortable and safe, and avoid driving at night because his vision wasnât the best. Additionally, he decided that he would stay within a certain radius as well. He liked to stay close to home where he felt most safe, so it was kind of a win-win for both.
Did you know that for many older adults they can actually qualify for assistance and don’t even realize it. We all know that costs are rising, and the cost of care is no exception.
Many people share with me that they worry about how their family will be able to afford the future or current care needs for the older adult in their lives.
But what’s the difference between Medicare and Medicaid? Medicare is a Federal health insurance program for anyone, age 65 or older, and some people under 65 with certain disabilities or conditions. Medicaid is a joint Federal and State program that gives health coverage to some people with limited income and resources.
Medicaid in many states also can help pay for long-term care, and the good news is we can help navigate this concern. Each year eligibility for Medicaid changes. Some states such as California have made it easier to qualify, especially if the older adult has a medical need that requires help with care, such as needing help with bathing, or perhaps they have dementia, and it’s no longer safe for them to be home unsupervised.
Even if a person is over the income limits for state assistance there may be options such as what’s called a medically needy pathway or an income only trust just to name a couple. It is a lot to navigate, and you don’t have to do this alone. We can help determine if an older adult might qualify, and we can also guide and support you through the whole process. I hope this is helpful.
Tori, one of our care advisors, will explain the five types of senior housing in this 3-minute senior housing overview below.
As we age, our housing needs change. From maintaining independence to requiring more support, finding the right senior housing option is crucial. Let’s take a quick look at some of the most popular choices.
First, there’s Independent Living. This option is ideal for active older adults who prefer a maintenance-free lifestyle but still want to live independently. Independent living communities offer amenities like housekeeping, transportation, and social activities, allowing residents to enjoy life without worrying about home upkeep. They are also private pay.
Next, Assisted Living provides help with daily activities like dressing, medication management, or meals. It’s perfect for older adults who need a bit more support but still value their independence. Staff are available 24/7, and these communities often include private rooms and group activities to maintain social engagement. Cost may increase yearly due to inflation and additional services added. Cost is typically private pay while some facilities may have certain beds allocated to Medicaid.
For those requiring more intensive care, Skilled Nursing Homes offer around-the-clock medical supervision. These facilities provide skilled care for individuals with chronic illnesses or disabilities, ensuring medical needs are met alongside personal assistance. The cost will depend on level of care needed and usually is paid on a month to month basis by Medicare for a limited time if eligible, private pay, Medicaid, or VA Pay.
If memory loss is a concern, Memory Care units specialize in supporting seniors with Alzheimer’s or dementia. These units offer a secure environment and tailored activities to help manage cognitive decline.
Lastly, Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs) offer a range of services, from independent living to skilled nursing care. This allows residents to “age in place,” transitioning through different levels of care as their needs evolve.
Choosing the right senior housing option depends on health, preferences, and lifestyle. So make sure you take time to explore each option to find the best fit.
Adult day centers offer a care solution that balances independence with structured care.
These centers provide a welcoming environment where older adults can engage in meaningful activities, socialize with peers, and receive appropriate support services during daytime hours, all while allowing them to return to the comfort of their own homes each evening.
Jami, one of our care advisors, will give you the 3-minute adult day center overview in the video above. Below you can find the written transcript.
Many older adults would like to “age in place.” They’d rather not move into a care facility.
Adult day programs offer drop-in daytime care for older adults. Itâs important to note that they are not residential or overnight, and some smaller communities may not offer these programs.
Whoâs a good fit? Individuals who donât need overnight care, people who are isolated at home and want daytime activities and socialization, and those who donât require active medical care during the day. Itâs also a good option for families or caregivers who need a respite break or regular care support.
How does it work? Individuals admitted to an adult day program have full access to activities and services. Different programs offer various services and levels of care. Some include healthcare visits, mail and hair services on-site, social and fitness activities, pet therapy, music therapy, art therapy, and support for faith traditions. In addition, some programs offer meals, snacks, medication management, and transportation to and from the day center.
One additional benefit of adult day centers is that the cost is less expensive per hour than hiring a private in-home caregiver. Often, private pay insurance and Medicaid-funded programs will cover the cost of adult day centers.
I just knew heâd love the remote control car. It had oversized wheels sure to scale all kinds of terrain and a long range remote. Iâm guessing he would have been truly delighted by it, especially if he hadnât carefully cut off the antenna right after opening the box. It never drove an inch.
Sometimes as parents, we have a tendency to want to âwowâ our children when it comes to gifts. But does this set expectations that donât match our budget? Does it actually create the meaningful memories we anticipate? After all, so many times that âwowâ gift loses its magic in a very short period of time.
Now as a parent of kids who are in their young 20s, Iâve seen the toys come and goâmostly not even remembered and likely at this point in a landfill somewhere. Sorry. What has stuck for us are the memories and experiences of our time together. It may sound cliche, but it’s very true.
With a memory making approach, here are three gift giving ideasâŠ
Experiences Over Things: How about tickets to a unique zoo event, coupons for an art or cooking class, a local play, a donut tasting tour (if you are near a metropolitan area), a coupon for a âdateâ with a parent, a 36 hour trip to explore a nearby city or town, or a camping trip in the living room (complete with the tent and smores), a pajama sleepover at a hotel where the time is spent reading or watching movies and eating take-out. Again, these experiences foster lasting memories and shared joy, making the holiday season more about connection than consumption.
The “Something They Want, Need, Wear, and Read” Rule: This minimalist strategy suggests giving one gift in each of these categories. For example, a favorite toy (want), a practical item like new shoes (need), a cozy sweater (wear), and a beloved book or audiobook (read). This approach promotes thoughtful and balanced gift-giving, avoiding excess while still delighting the child.
Teach Generosity Through Giving: Purposefully put the focus on giving instead of receiving and the delight that provides. Involve children in thinking about choosing and giving gifts to others, such as selecting toys for donation or helping with acts of service like baking cookies for neighbors. This nurtures empathy and helps children understand the value of kindness, fostering a sense of community.
Particularly for parents of younger children, it might take some courage to resist the lure of the âwowâ gift item, but itâs going to be easier if the focus shifts at a younger age. That said, you may have some convincing to do with the grandparents who love to âwowâ a grandchild.
Elizabeth Dameron-Drew is President of Ways & Wane and in the sandwich generation.
With the holidays upon us, you may be wondering what to get the older adult in your life. Perhaps you’re thinking another pair of slippers isnât quite right. Good news! We have some meaningful solutions for you, including some fun ideas to connect the generations in your family.
Ask people in the family (siblings, older grandchildren, etc.) to pitch in to set the older adult up with a year’s worth of housecleaning or seasonal yard clean up.
Invite them to an in-person or virtual dinner (or several dinners) and pick out specific dates. (Everyone likes something to look forward to!) For the virtual dinner, have dinner delivered to them and join them over zoom.
Choose a gift item from our Activities at Home list. It includes independent activities plus activities to do with two or more people. To help make projects successful, a list of adaptive tools is on the final page. The heart icon đ€ denotes activities that may also work well for those with dementia or other cognitive impairment.
Make a custom paper notepad. Maybe a photo of a pet or a grandchild or their favorite quote. Stores like Staples offer an option to create a custom notepad with your photo or text.
For someone who tends to have sore or cold feet, this foot massager provides heat, compression and massage.
A monthly or quarterly membership which delivers gourmet chocolate, cheese, or flowers.
Make a donation on their behalf to a charity that is especially meaningful to them.
Sibling dynamics among children play into how well those siblings will work together later in life.
At some point, these same children will be in a position to work together to help manage your care. They already are (or will be) watching how you work through care navigation with your own siblings.
Itâs hard to imagine that future I know, but as Psychologist Dr. Albers states, âRole modeling is one of the most powerful and effective ways to teach your children how to get along with their siblings.â
Itâs a complex topic without a “one size fits allâ solution, but this article from the Cleveland Clinic outlines 10 tips for dealing with sibling rivalry. A few of the main points include:
Create a cooperative environment
Celebrate individuality
Treat kids fairly, not equally
Give children problem-solving tools
Make discipline private
Have a family meeting
Weâve presented how powerful family meetings can be to manage care navigation for the older adults in your family circle. Imagine how useful it would be to have family meetings already a practiced habit from childhood!
May you find joy in loving one another well in and outside of your family meetings!
Conversations between siblings about care for an older adult are layered with emotion and just might have lasting impacts on the family for years to come.
The truth is that most siblings donât talk about care management roles until it is essential. Nobody wants to have a stressful conversation in the hospital corridor. We want you to be prepared to calmly navigate care for your parents or in-laws.
Weâve highlighted some of the common sibling care controversies and have tools to move forward with purposeful and peace seeking care conversations.
My Parents are Healthy…
If you have healthy older adults in your care circle, why should you make a plan with siblings now? Let me illustrate why this is so important with a story.
Adamâs perfectly healthy dad, George, had a fall one afternoon where he hit his head so hard he had a brain injury resulting in him being unable to speak clearly or make decisions. In a matter of minutes, Adam went from âmy dad is perfectly healthyâ to trying to figure out if he or his sister was the healthcare proxy. He didnât know if his dad had his wishes defined and where in the world that paperwork was, if it existed at all. His sister thought her dad had asked her to be the healthcare proxy, but Adam said his dad had talked to him about it over golf one day. His sister was furious with Adam over how he was directing the care for their father when she thought it was her role, but Adam felt he was just trying to do his best in a terrifying and chaotic situation. Neither of them thought the other person was in the right role nor did they know what their dad would want, except for them not to be fighting.
You may be thrust very suddenly into figuring out care for an older adult. Are there other family members involved also? If so, there are three common barriers to setting up a successful care team: personal agendas, childhood roles and division of responsibilities.
Challenge: Personal Agendas
At work, we clearly define project goals at the onset, so itâs clear when they’ve been achieved. While a caregiving journey is likely not as quantifiable as your work projects, itâs just as important to define the overarching goals.
Solution: Establishing common goals
Among siblings, start your conversation with your common goals.
We all want to respect our older adults’ wishes and needs as much as possible.
We donât want angst or division between us during this time or for the years following.
Once we agree on these basic goals, itâs much easier to sift care decisions and strategies. We recommend restating the common goals whenever care planning is being done, particularly when bigger decisions are being made.
Challenge: Childhood Roles
Let’s say you and your siblings have defined the key goals, but that doesnât really make up for the fact that your brother has always been the (insert primary trait from childhood) one and your sister will likely be (insert primary trait from childhood). The roles your siblings played in your family are decades old. Are you assuming that they are the same people they were in childhood? You have likely evolved past those early stereotypes or roles and want your siblings to see you for who you are today, many years later.
Solution: Recognize current strengths
Instead of dragging those old assumptions into this season, can you put yourself in a neutral, curious and even grace-filled posture when it comes to who your siblings are and what they are capable of? We all have different strengths. Each sibling has an opportunity to help in a way that fits their strengths and giftings. Thatâs a beautiful thing.
Challenge: Whatâs âfairâ?
When you and your siblings were young, there were likely feelings of what was âfairâ between you. Remember the heated argument of who got the piece of cake with the big green frosting-filled flower on it? Now that everyone is older you already know that most of life isnât âfairâ, but in addition to that, you and your siblingâs lives are significantly more complicated as there are geographic locations, spouses, kids, jobs, health and individual finances that factor in for each person. All of that wasnât a factor when you were jockeying for the piece of cake with the green frosting-filled flower on it. The notion of siblings each covering their âfair shareâ of care navigation just isnât realistic.
Solution: Accept imbalance and ask for or offer support
The truth is that usually the majority of the caregiving responsibilities fall on one or two peopleâs shoulders. Itâs helpful to accept that and let go of whatâs âfairâ. The individual taking on the bulk of the care can take time to define how others can help; other family members can support in the ways requested.
The power of the family meeting
A well-prepared family meeting creates a way forward.
To help you suggest or run a family care meeting, we have two great options:
Enlist the support of your Care Advisor to facilitate a family meeting. Having an unbiased third party involved can be a way to reach a decision especially if sibling relations are complex or the necessary decisions are weighty.
You may not be able to get absolutely everything in place, but whatever steps you take, however small, can ease the stress of managing care for the older adults in your family circle.
Are your elderly parents or in-laws on the right Medicare plan?
Medicareâs open enrollment (aka Annual Election Period) is from October 15th to December 7th. The last change on or before Dec. 7th will take effect on Jan 1st 2025.
What current Medicare recipients should do
Should current Medicare recipients look at their policy? Medicare says: It depends on the type of plan currently in place.
If the plan in place is Original Medicare (aka Part A and Part B) plus a supplemental plan (often called a Medigap) and the recipient is happy with the coverage, a change doesnât need to be made.
If the plan in place is Part C (aka Medicare Advantage) or Part D, the recipient should review all the coverage options (even if they are happy with the current coverage) because plans change their costs and benefits every year. To do that, read the Annual Notice of Change (ANOC), which should have been received by September 30. The ANOC lists the changes in the plan, such as the premium and copays, and will compare the benefits in 2024 with those in 2025.
Do some homework before switching to a Medicare Advantage plan
Currently, 54% of Medicare recipients have a Medicare Advantage plan, but not everyone is happy about it. The Pros and Cons of Medicare Advantage by Fortune Well outlines some significant âconsâ such as:
According to a KFF study in 2022, âtraditional Medicareâ outperformed Medicare Advantage in receiving care in the highest-rated hospitals for cancer care or in the highest-quality skilled nursing facilities and home health agencies.
The U.S. Health and Human Services Inspector General reports found âwidespread and persistent problems related to denials of care and payment,â related to the prior authorization rules specific to Medicare Advantage plans.
Medicare Advantage plans are permitted to limit their provider networks, the size of which can vary considerably for both physicians and hospitals, depending on the plan and the county where it is offered.
For those turning 65: how to avoid Medicare penalties
Recipients are eligible for initial enrollment in Medicare during a 7-month window, which includes:
3 months before a 65th birthday,
during their birthday month and
3 months after their birthday month.
According to Medicare, the best way to enroll in a new plan is to call 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227). Enrolling in a new plan directly through Medicare is the best way to be protected if there are problems with the enrollment. Medicare suggests that the recipient take notes regarding everything about the enrollment conversation including the date, the representative spoken with and any outcomes or next steps.
If one doesn’t sign up during the Initial Enrollment period, there can be late enrollment penalties for Parts A, B and D unless the recipient has other coverage thatâs similar in value to Medicare (like from an employer.) They also may have to pay a late enrollment penalty.
Late enrollment penalties:
Are added to the monthly premium.
Are not a one-time late fee.
Are usually charged for as long as they have that type of coverage (for most people, thatâs a lifetime penalty). The Part A penalty is different.
Go up the longer they wait to sign up â theyâre based on how long they go without coverage similar to Medicare.
More information about late enrollment penalties can be found on this Medicare page.
How do I know what Medicare plan is already in place?
You can find this information a few different ways:
Look at the recipientâs Medicare card, as this shows: If they have Medicare Part A (listed as HOSPITAL), Part B (listed as MEDICAL), or both and the date the coverage began. With the Medicare number on the card, you can follow the steps to find more information and log into the on-line account here.
Call the program at 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227). You will need the recipient on the phone and/or their permission.
Check their medicare.gov account which requires access to their username and password. You will also need their zip code, Medicare number, name, date of birth, and the effective date for the Medicare coverage.
If you have access, sign in to their Social Security account and view the benefit verification letter.
Want help making sense of all the parts and plans?
This two minute video from Medicare provides a helpful summary of what is covered by the A, B, C & D parts of Medicare.
Unbiased guidance on Medicare plans
The State Health Insurance Program (SHIP) provides free and unbiased counseling advice about Medicare programs. The SHIP site has a search by state feature to determine the contact information for your statewide resource.
Alternatively, the National Council on Agingâs Medicare Standards of Excellence list can be used to find agents and brokers working for the recipient’s best interest.
As always, a Ways & Wane Care Advisor is available to support you with navigating care needs including Medicare.
IMPORTANT: By consuming this information, you acknowledge and agree to assume the risk of any injury or harm that may result to any person resulting in whole or in part from actions or inactions and waive all claims against Ways & Wane, together with its subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, directors, agents, employees, attorneys, consultants, or advisors except those arising out of any gross negligence or wanton misconduct of Ways & Wane.
