Our bodies and minds change as we age. That is part of life. For an older adult, the extent of those changes can vary between forgetting a few words to experiencing dementia; from coping with stiff joints to adapting to life in a wheelchair. Understandably, we tend to slow down, and many older adults’ routines become less active and more isolated. There is a lot we cannot control related to the aging process, but by continuing to engage in activities we like and prioritizing relationships, we can maintain a better quality of life. 

If you care about someone who is not doing as much as they used to, you are not alone. The  CDC reports that by age 75 “about one in three men and one in two women engage in no physical activity”. In addition to less physical activity, aging individuals may also be less likely to spend time with friends or engaged in cognitively stimulating activities. These trends are a cause for concern as inactivity is linked to negative health and well-being outcomes.

The good news is that there is something we can do about it. In addition to warding off chronic disease and aiding in mental well-being, research from the Mayo Clinic has found that “engaging in mentally stimulating activities, even late in life, may protect against new-onset mild cognitive impairment, which is the intermediate stage between normal cognitive aging and dementia”. In other words, it is never too late to get going again and it is worth it!

With the well-documented information on the many benefits of engaging in activity as we age, we may be eager to push a loved one to add more to their schedule. While the instinct is a good one, it is important to approach the topic with patience. If someone has begun living a largely sedentary lifestyle, this might be caused by physical, cognitive or mental health changes. Meeting an older adult where they are means considering their current activity level and understanding their preferences and limitations related to further engagement. You can find tips on how to gently and respectfully encourage an older adult towards more activity in the following resource, Encouraging an Aging Parent Towards Activity.

Thankfully, many activities can be adapted to make them more accessible for individuals with changing abilities. With some effort existing activities can be modified or new ones added so that leisure pursuits remain accessible and enjoyable. 

Five tips for a successful outing or activity:

• Make sure the older adult brings their: hearing aids & extra batteries, glasses, extra layers, hat and water bottle. Keep in mind that older adults may be more sensitive to hot/cold than you and plan accordingly. 
• Take breaks as needed to avoid fatigue and consider shorter outings (1-2 hours is fine). 
• Consider renting a wheelchair or scooter for ease of movement, even if your loved one does not use one daily. Choose accessible venues with amenities like ramps or elevators.
• Be mindful that you may need to adjust things like volume, font size or activities that involve hand-eye coordination and mental focus. 
• Allow flexibility in the schedule and be patient with any challenges that may arise. Remember; it is about the quality time spent together and the memories made. 

With summer upon us, there are additional options available for outings and activities.

Here are 5 Activities to Try This Summer:

1. Watch children play at a park with a splash pad water feature

Seeing kids joyful and in their element is contagious. Pack up some folding chairs, sun hats, snacks and SPF and sit back to watch the kiddos play! You can also find a local dog park if pets delight the older adult.

2. Go on a nature walk or stroll through a botanical garden

Being in nature is calming and physical activity is essential for healthy aging. If the older adult is not very active, you can keep the walk brief or use a wheelchair. This site has a tool to find wheel-chair friendly hiking paths. If the sun is too much, consider a walk in a botanical garden, zoo or even a plant nursery.  

3. Buy some disposable cameras to capture summer fun

Photography may have moved digital, but there is nothing like clicking a camera and having real photos developed. Ask the older adult to help you document the season and then turn the pictures into a collage, scrapbook or frame your favorites. It will encourage creativity and provide lasting memories.

4. Create a summer-themed “mini book club” and discuss over the phone

If you don’t live near the older adult. Choose a book club book to read (or listen to) and discuss together on the phone or via zoom. Invite a few other family or friends, or make it just for the two of you. Use the discussion questions for prompts to engage in conversation. Reading is great for brain health and the book club will provide a regular space to connect. The AARP has a list of book clubs to try.  

4. Find a volunteer position as a mentor or tutor 

Mentors and tutors are often needed at local community centers, schools and nonprofits to support students across the lifespan. Volunteering provides a sense of purpose and can lead to lasting connections. These roles can be a great choice for older adults as they have the opportunity to share their wisdom, experience and skills with less commitment than a part-time job. The non-profit, Volunteer Match allows you to filter for opportunities in your community that align with specific interests, be it creative writing, bee-keeping, ESL, math or many other subjects.

Although certain abilities and interests may have shifted, fun-filled and meaningful activities do not have to be out of reach for anyone. With consideration, planning and encouragement, you can help an older loved one continue to do things they care about by adapting plans and creatively engaging with new hobbies.

Happy Summer! 

SOURCES:

CDC

Mayo Clinic

There is no one quite like your kid. Their silly jokes, their creative (sometimes messy) endeavors, and other particularities make them wholly one-of-a-kind. Nurturing their interests and helping them engage with activities they love can help them to develop their individuality and sense of self. However, sometimes parents can inadvertently stifle their child’s originality with their own expectations. By taking care to celebrate their natural talents and interests and managing projection as a parent, you can set up your child to thrive. 

Self-Reflect

Projection is the unconscious process wherein we displace our feelings to someone else. 

Dr Christine B.L. Adams, a child and adult  and psychiatrist, notes, “each child displays specific behaviors, ways of thinking, and ways of experiencing their emotions, depending on the variety of parental conditioning”. Therefore, it is important to notice when your  own “stuff” impacts what you encourage in your child. 

The first step is to ask yourself how your own biases or preferences might impact the kinds of activities you promote. Are your fond memories of baseball making you push the sport  even though your child prefers soccer? Being mindful of your internal motivations is important to avoiding projection. If it is difficult to be objective about this you can also ask close family and friends for feedback. Additionally, by taking time to honor your own interests and passions, you are modeling the importance of doing the things you genuinely care about to your child.

Listen and Learn

Paying attention to the activities your little one gravitates towards or school subjects they take interest in is a great way to hone in on their natural interests. For young children, observe what toys, songs and experiences light them up. For older children you can do this along with engaging in meaningful conversations about what brings them joy or want to try. By fostering open communication and having regular conversations about hopes and dreams you set the scene for your child’s unique development. 

Create Opportunities

Many parents complain that their kids prefer video games and screen time to more active pursuits. It can be a difficult balancing act to allow your child the freedom to do things they like while making sure they participate in diverse and enriching activities. You can encourage curiosity and experimentation by providing your child with a variety of options for fun activities. Maybe they would like to learn to code, bake cookies, organize a lemonade stand, ace a puzzle, or set up a tie dye station in the backyard. By making new activities available to them you will help them to cultivate their interests and creativity. Talk to your child about the benefits of trying new things and seek to compromise about how they spend their time. 

To learn more, check out these resources: 

The Good Enough Podcast: Kids! Parenting When They’re Not Just Like Us

PedsDocTalk Podcast: “I’m not a crafty or elaborate activity planner kind of mom- and I sometimes feel guilty

This article from Time magazine has some great questions to ask kids of all ages about trying new things

Picture this: Dad is in front of the TV, as usual. He used to golf twice a week with his friends. Is there a problem here? This is a common and natural concern, and bridging the gap between what you hope an older adult does with their time and how they prefer to spend it can cause worry and friction. However, there are strategies to bridge this divide. Engaging an older loved one in conversation about their interests and values can lead to a more meaningful connection and an opportunity to learn more about each other. 

There is really no perfect formula for how much time an older adult should be active and engaged versus being more passive or solo. After all, preferences and limitations vary for individuals of all ages. Still, research supports that social engagement is vital for overall well being as it promotes cognitive stimulation and aids mental health (AARP). And of course, socializing can help prevent loneliness, a topic of growing interest due to its many negative impacts on quality of life. Likewise, physical activity is crucial for healthy aging as it promotes strength, balance, heart health, and prevention of chronic disease and falls. Harvard notes that “decades of solid science confirm that exercise improves health and can extend your life.” (Harvard Health).  With this in mind, the instinct to encourage an older adult to do more with their days makes perfect sense. Still, this conversation should be handled with care and the following tips will pave the way for a fruitful talk. 

Lead with Empathy

It is important to understand that your parent or loved one may have adopted a less active lifestyle for a variety of reasons. Research from Baylor University notes that physical ability can impact one’s social life;  “When an individual becomes less mobile, he or she may start to avoid activities and social events, leading to the feeling of isolation”. Indeed, many seniors are adapting to living with chronic pain, stiff joints and a need for more sleep and rest.  Additionally, while rewatching old movies or fiddling with the same gadgets may seem lackluster to you, these routines may be an enormous source of comfort to someone experiencing a season of loss and change. Be sure to consider how the individual’s unique history and circumstances influence their attitudes on adding more to their schedule.

Start Small

Knowing how many benefits there are to be found in increased activity, it might be easy to throw a lot of options out right away. Book clubs, senior centers, and walking groups are all ideas (potentially) worth exploring, but it may be too much, too soon. Focus on exploring interests and offer to help realize one new activity at a time. Be mindful that while you may love to see a packed schedule, your loved one may be satisfied with adding just a few elements of connection and engagement to their lives, or none at all. Also, be prepared to have this conversation over many weeks or months at a pace that feels sustainable. Be clear that your interest is in supporting a happy and well-rounded lifestyle and keep open to how your loved one defines those things, as well.

Exploring Interests Exercise:

Five Questions

The following questions are designed to generate meaningful conversation around activities, preferences and values. Take turns answering so that it becomes a free-flowing conversation. Look out for opportunities to find common ground and shared interests that you can do together.

1. What would a great day be for you? 

• What are 3-5 things that a fun day would include? 
• Consider simple pleasures and gratifying experiences of connection: is it time with the grandkids, being in nature, laughing with a friend?

2.  How do you feel about your current level of activity? 

• Rate your satisfaction on a scale of 1-10.  What could be done to get you closer to 10? What is something you would love to try?
• Dare to dream big!  If your great aunt used to love a beach day but has not been since she started using a wheelchair, know that this desire may not be out of reach. Adaptive tools, like a terrain-friendly wheelchair, can help individuals of varying abilities connect with the world again. 

3. Who do you like to spend time with these days? Is there anyone you wish you could see more often?

• What relationships feel most valuable and how can you make time to nurture these? What kinds of settings do you like to socialize in? 
• You can consider options like setting up a regular coffee date or teaching dad to use Facetime to connect with his brother who lives out of state. Though new technology can feel daunting to adopt, with a bit of patience it can provide a great source of connection. 

4. What are things you loved to do in the past?

• Reflecting on your past, what are some activities and interests you used to love? Are there any past hobbies you would like to try again?
• Reminiscing can help us remember parts of ourselves that have been long dormant. It can also be a way to engage with someone who is experiencing cognitive changes or dementia. Bringing out old pictures, videos or music can be a great way to prompt beloved memories and can stimulate conversation about dusting off the gardening tools, for example. 

5. How do you like to move? 

• What kinds of physical activities do you enjoy  or used to enjoy?

Be sure to consider changes related to mobility and health, along with individual preferences. Walking, tai-chi and swimming are all low-impact activities, and chair exercises can be adapted for a variety of abilities. Talk about ways to add more movement into everyday life that are fun and doable. If maintaining independence is a value to your loved one, you can  highlight that being physically active can support this goal. Check out this article to find seated and standing exercise options.

Modeling Self-Compassion and Mindfulness for our children

When it comes to teaching self-compassion to your kids, the place to start is with the one already on stage, you. Your kids are watching everything you do, including what you tell yourself when you forget something, lose something, burn something… are you saying out loud, “I’m such a clutz” or “I’m a disaster in the kitchen”? It’s just what you are saying to yourself, right?

It’s not like you would say to your child “you are stupid”, but because children learn how to talk to themselves by watching the way you talk to yourself, you could in fact unintentionally be teaching them to tell themselves things like “I’m stupid”. 

How to shift self talk for the whole family

If you find yourself berating yourself out loud, try to model self-compassion by changing your message to something like, “Oh, I shouldn’t talk that way. I know everyone makes mistakes, it’s just part of being human” or “Oops I messed that up. I know how to do better next time”.

Dr. Neff, the leading researcher of the self-compassion concept, shares that self-criticism is a threat to how we perceive ourselves since we become both the “attacker” and the “attacked.”

When we are self-compassionate, we reframe our language by learning to be kind, supportive and understanding when we make mistakes. It’s a tool that will serve our kids well with how they speak to themselves and to others. 

Resources for you and your children

There are lots of resources out there that can help build healthy self-compassion and mindfulness habits in children. We found a few we thought you’d enjoy…

For ages 3-7:

This book, titled “Listening With My Heart” by Gabi Garcia, “reminds us of the other golden rule– to treat ourselves with the same understanding and compassion we give to others.”

The Emotion Motion podcast has 12-17 min. pods featuring Megan the Mermaid’s underwater adventures designed to teach social-emotional learning through tools such as song, dance, deep breathing and stretching. Warning: we cannot promise that you won’t walk into work singing “Emotion motion, emotion motion….” 

For ages 4-10:

The Like You: Mindfulness for Kids podcast introduces a variety of mindfulness exercises about:

• Breathing
• Affirmations
• Music
• Imagination

These activities can help explore their feelings, relieve anxiety, encourage self-esteem, and grow empathy.

breathing, affirmations, music, and imagination to explore feelings, relieve anxiety, encourage self-esteem, and grow empathy. With a voice like Mr. Rogers, he’ll have you wanting to listen. Each pod is 10-18 min. 

Beautiful, busy, tired parent: you’ve got this! You are doing your best and are so precious to those around you! 

Now it’s your turn: “I’m doing my best and am precious to those around me!”

To read about more tips to show self-compassion to yourself to better model it for your children, read more here!